What You Want Most
Chapter Three
“Say, Abby...”
Abigail looked over at Aaron who was helping her set out the refreshments for the day’s fellowship group meeting. “What?”
“I think that Sarah might be in the family way. Would you mind, maybe, asking her about it?” he asked quietly, cutting up a pan of brownies.
Abigail stopped chopping vegetables to look at him. “Why?”
“Why? Well... I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I just though she could use some prayers or something.”
“You can pray for her without knowing whether or not she’s pregnant,” Abigail said, resuming her chopping.
“I know I can.”
“Aaron, what’s going on?”
“Nothing. Really.”
Abigail looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
He held up his hands in mock surrender. “I swear. It’s just that God has put it on my heart to pray for her. I just want to have all the facts.”
Abigail still wasn’t entirely convinced, but agreed to question Mac if an opportunity arose.
~*~
“Amen,” Aaron ended the prayer. “All right--let’s eat!”
Everyone chuckled.
As hostess, Abigail rose to get drinks. “What can I get for everyone to drink?”
As everyone called out his or her requests, Mac followed her hostess to the kitchen. “Do you need some help?”
“Oh, thank you, Sarah. Everything is in the fridge.”
Mac got out the containers as Abigail dropped ice cubes into the glasses.
“So what do you do, Abigail?” Mac asked. She had felt drawn to this spiritual woman since the first fellowship group and wanted to get to know her better.
“I’m an RN. I work the surgical floor over at Columbia.”
“That must be rewarding,” Mac said.
“Yes, I love it.” She put away the ice cube trays and gave Mac a small smile. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” replied Mac.
“I don’t mean to pry, but... are you expecting?”
Mac’s head shot up and she gasped at Abigail. “How... how did you know? I didn’t think I was showing that much.” She ran a hand over here barely protruding stomach.
“You’re not, really, but I’ve seen enough pregnant women over the years. I can just tell. How far along are you?”
“About fourteen weeks; I’m due in May.”
“Is the baby’s father going to be around to help?”
“Um, no. He... ” Mac’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I... I was attacked.”
“Oh, Sarah.” Abigail came and put an arm around her new friend. “I’m so sorry. I truly admire you for keeping the baby. Can I pray for you and your baby?” Mac nodded gratefully and Abigail lifted up a quick prayer. “Now. If you have any worries or questions, be sure to call me.”
Mac blinked away the tears. “Thank you.” She never expected her situation to be accepted so easily. In fact, she had been expecting the opposite reaction. She had been hesitant to share and explain to her new friends until she had no choice. By that time, she hoped she’d have known them well enough to avoid rejection.
“There’s a serving tray in that cabinet over there.” Abigail pointed a cabinet behind Mac. A few minutes later, the two women returned to the living room. Abigail caught her brother’s eye and gave him a small nod. She watched his shoulders drop just a bit. Uh oh, she thought.
As the social portion of their meeting progressed, Abigail watched Aaron who watched Mac.
“So, how was everyone’s week?” asked Ben, a distinguished forty-something guy with salt and pepper hair and piercing blue eyes.
Everyone shared a little something except Mac. She was still a little quiet with the group until Ben asked directly, “What about you, Sarah?”
Mac flushed slightly as everyone looked at her. “I was promoted,” she said. She was proud of her accomplishment, but didn't want to sound like she was bragging.
Abigail winced as her brother visibly brightened.
“Hey, that’s great,” offered Emma, the youngest member of their group at twenty-nine.
“Promoted to what?” asked George.
“To full colonel,” Mac replied.
“Are you in the Army?” asked George, whose only knowledge of the military came from MASH reruns.
Aaron chuckled.
“No, the Marine Corps,” she told him.
“You’re kidding?” said Penny, the epitome of all things frilly and feminine, who was unable to fathom the rigors of deployment or the horrors of combat.
“No, really,” Mac explained. “I’ve been in for almost fifteen years. It’s sort of the family business. My father was an officer, and my Uncle Matt is, too.”
“Well, congratulations, Sarah,” said Aaron warmly. “I’m sure you deserved it.”
“Hey, everyone,” Abigail called as the group gathered their coats. “Remember that next week is our last meeting until after Christmas and New Years. Have a great holiday.”
“Aaron?” Mac said softly.
“Yes?”
“Um, I couldn’t remember the Bible references for the scripture you shared with me last week. Could I get those from you?”
“Of course, you can. I’ll call you with them?”
“That would be great. Thanks.”
“Have a good week, Sarah,” he said, walking her to the door.
She smiled at him. “Thanks. You too. Bye.”
“Bye...” He closed the door and turned to find Abigail. “So?”
“She said she was fourteen weeks pregnant and due in May,” Abigail said as she collected the few glasses left about.
“Anything else? What about the father?”
“Aaron, I think everything else she said was confidential. If you want to know, you’ll have to ask her yourself.”
He nodded, knowing his sister was right.
“Aaron, please be careful. I know she’s beautiful, but she’s an unwed mother, and spiritually, she’s a baby herself.”
“Abby, you’re getting worried over nothing.”
Abigail just shook her head and went into the kitchen.
~*~
“Good morning, Colonel, Ma’am,” Harm drawled. “How was your weekend?”
Mac smiled. “It was great.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. I had a wonderful time on Friday, Harm. Thanks, again.”
“You’re welcome. I enjoyed it, too.”
“Are you doing anything on Christmas Eve?” she asked.
“Well, I was hoping to spend it with you,” he said, offering her a brilliant smile. The one that always made her breath catch.
“Were you, now?” she asked, pleased.
Harm nodded. “What did you have in mind?”
“There’s a Christmas Eve service at church at four-thirty. Will you go with me?”
Harm’s smile dimmed slightly. This was certainly not the activity he was expecting. He’d been hoping for something a little more personal. But the service was early enough; perhaps afterward. “Um, sure.”
Mac beamed at him.
“How about dinner at my place sometime this week?” Harm asked.
“I’d like that,” she said, still smiling. “Thursday?”
“Perfect.”
~*~
The many candles scattered around Harm’s apartment glowed brightly and the smell of lavender tantalized Mac’s nose as she stepped through the door.
“It’s lovely, Harm.”
He handed her a crystal champagne flute filled with ginger ale and led her to the couch. “I meant what I said the night of your engagement party...” he began nervously, “...about wanting never to lose you. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without you in it.”
“Harm...” Mac’s heart began pounding in her chest. She looked deep into Harm’s eyes, made even bluer by the sky blue satin shirt he wore.
He leaned in and placed a tentative kiss on her lips. Her heart stopped and she allowed him to deepen the kiss.
“Wow,” she said when he pulled away. It had been so long since the last time he’d kissed her like that--the night on the admiral’s porch, in fact--that she hardly remembered the feeling. But it all came back in a rush.
~*~
Mac floated into her apartment after her dinner with Harm. It had been a wonderful evening. She and Harm seemed to be back on track.
She noticed the blinking light on her answering machine and moved to check her messages.
Hello, Sarah. Aaron Vawter here. It’s seven forty-five on Thursday night. I apologize for not contacting you sooner with those scripture references you asked for and I’m sorry I missed you. If you want to give me a call at the office tomorrow, I’ll have them for you. Good night.
*Beep*
Hi, Mac. I really enjoyed tonight. I hope we can do it again soon.
Harm. She smiled to herself. Her stomach fluttered as she remembered his kiss. She hoped she’d be on the receiving end of another very soon.
~*~
The next morning, Mac settled into her chair and dialed the number to the church and asked for Aaron.
“Hello, Sarah,” Aaron exclaimed, coming onto the line. “You got my message.”
“Yes. I’m sorry I missed your call. I was having dinner with my partner.”
“Oh, I see. Well... Have you got pen and paper?”
“Uh huh.”
“Okay. Psalm 139, verse 13 and Romans 5, verse 8.”
“You know, you could have just left that on my machine last night,” Mac realized.
“Yes, that’s true,” he acknowledged. “I could have, but I wanted to talk to you; see if you had any other questions about salvation.”
Mac was quiet for a moment before answering. “No. I don’t think so. Not right now.”
“Okay. You had mentioned, when we met, that you had a hard time forgiving yourself for some things that had happened in your past.”
“Yes.”
“Would you want to meet with me again and maybe talk about those?”
“I don’t know...” she replied.
“Sarah, I’m not going to pry. Really. I just want to show you how to shed that burden of guilt.”
“Can I let you know?”
“Sure; whenever you’re ready, just call.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“Is there anything I can pray about for you?”
Mac was taken aback. This was the second time someone had asked if they could pray for her. Her first instinct was to say no, but she didn’t want to hang up just yet, and she wasn’t sure what to say.
“Are you there?” Aaron asked after a lengthy silence.
“Yes, yes. I’m sorry. I was just thinking. Can you pray for my health?”
“Is there something wrong?” he asked, concerned.
“No, not really,” Mac replied. “It’s just that I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to expect.”
“Well, then, I’ll just pray for good health and an uneventful pregnancy for both you and the baby,” he said without missing a beat. He was glad that she’d shared the news with him, although he already knew. He just wished he knew about the father, but that really would be out of line. “Can I pray with you right now?”
“Over the phone?” she asked in surprise.
“Sure, why not?”
“Well, okay...”
Harm approached her office door, but saw that she was on the phone. He waited and watched as she looked surprised then closed her eyes moments later although she didn’t hang up the phone. After another few moments, her eyes popped back open. She saw him standing there and waved him in as she hung up.
“What was that all about?” he asked.
“Oh... that was the pastor at church. He prayed with me, uh, for me over the phone.”
“That’s kind of weird.”
“Actually, it was kind of nice,” Mac replied.
“If you say so.”
“What did you need, Harm?” she asked, changing the subject, not wanting to make an issue of it.
“Oh. Yeah... I just wanted to ask if you’d like to go see my dad with me on Christmas Eve after the thing at church.”
She looked at him in surprise. He’d never asked her to go before. “Harm, I’d be honored.”
~*~
As the next few Sundays came and went, Mac began to realize, as the saying went, the reason for the season: the miracle of a young girl being chosen to bear and raise Jesus Christ, mankind’s savior, and the celebration of Christ’s birth. As Christmas approached, Mac’s anticipation grew. Not only for the Christmas Eve service, but also for the trip to the Wall with Harm afterward.
There was only one thing that subdued her joy: telling the rest of her fellowship group about her situation. Abigail and Aaron had been great about her pregnancy, but she was a little nervous about telling everyone else. Not really the women though. Most women warmed up quickly to the thought of a baby, even if it’s mother wasn’t married, but Mac finally realized she didn’t want the men to think she was promiscuous. Telling people that she was raped was still hard, and that didn’t always help either. Sometimes people jumped to the conclusion that she must have 'invited' the assault by the way she had been dressed or the way she had acted.
But she needn’t have worried. With Abigail and Aaron’s help, she had gotten through her story, and everyone was excited for her.
~*~
Christmas Eve was clear but crisp. It had snowed a few days before, but the roads were finally cleared.
“You look great, Harm,” Mac said when she opened the door.
“Yeah, thanks. You, too.”
Her burgundy velvet Christmas dress flattered her burgeoning figure and complimented her complexion.
“Are you ready?” she asked, handing him her overcoat.
He nodded and obediently held her coat for her.
“I’m so excited, Harm. The service is going to be so great,” she chatted as they made their way to Harm’s SUV. He held the door and helped her up into the vehicle. “Go down to the corner and turn left. Then go three blocks and take a right; you can’t miss it.”
They rode in silence for the five minutes it took for Harm to reach the church.
“Harm, is everything all right?” she asked, turning toward him. “You’ve been awful quiet.”
“No. I’m fine. It’s just tonight. I still get, um... you know...”
“Are you sure you want me to go with you? You could drop me back at my apartment,” she offered. “It wouldn’t hurt my feelings.”
Harm shook his head. “No, no, no. I want you to go.” He looked over at her and said softly, “Really.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
~*~
Mac watched the Christmas program with delight. The music was wonderful and she sang along joyously.
Harm was touched as well. Memories of the last Christmas he’d spent with his dad flitted through his mind. His chest tightened with emotion and he blinked away the moisture from his eyes as the final hymn was sung.
Aaron said the closing prayer and everyone began to file out of the sanctuary.
“Come on. I want Aaron to meet you,” Mac said, taking Harm’s arm and dragging him toward the front of the sanctuary.
“Hello, Aaron,” Mac greeted him, her face alight. “This is my co-worker and dear friend Harm.”
Aaron noted her joy and wondered whether her glow was due to the program or the man in uniform beside her. Her hand on Harm’s arm didn’t escape his notice either. He held out a hand. “Nice to meet you, Commander.”
Harm blinked in surprise at the use of his rank, but accepted the handshake. “Please, call me Harm.”
Aaron nodded. “I hope you enjoyed our program.”
“I did, thanks,” Harm replied.
Aaron returned his attention to Mac. “Merry Christmas, Sarah.”
“Oh, it already is,” she replied, glancing up at Harm. “See you Sunday.”
Aaron wondered what her remark meant, but others were waiting to be greeted and he had no time to think about it.
~*~
Harm held onto Mac as they walked on the snow-shoveled sidewalk toward the section of the Vietnam Memorial where Harm’s father’s name was inscribed. Mac shivered slightly as the winter cold began to penetrate her overcoat.
“You’re cold,” Harm said, looking at her.
She nodded. “Just a little. I’m fine.”
“I’ll hurry.”
“Harm, no.” She laid a gentle hand on his arm. “You take as much time as you need. I’ll be fine.” Then she grinned at him. “I’m a Marine, remember?”
He returned her smile. “I remember; but you are now a pregnant Marine and you don’t need to get chilled. Now, come on.”
Harm's solicitousness warmed her on the inside. They started walking again. Just as they reached the correct section, tiny snowflakes began to fall. Mac stepped aside to allow Harm some privacy. She watched her best friend step close to the Wall and trace the name of a man he barely remembered, but whose memory had driven him for most of his life. A few minutes later, Harm turned and motioned for her to join him.
“Dad, this is Mac.” He reached out and caressed a rosy cheek with a forefinger. “She’s my partner and my best friend, Dad. She helped me try to find you.”
“Hello, Sir,” Mac said, a little self-consciously, but there was no one close enough to hear her.
“I just thought it was about time I officially introduced you two.” He smiled at her. “Mac, there’s something I want to tell you... your friendship means so much to me. I truly appreciate your help in looking for my dad.”
“Harm, I...”
“Mac...” he said, his voice low and gravelly with emotion, “I love you.”
She blinked in surprise, but answered, “I love you, too, Harm.”
“Merry Christmas,” he said as he leaned in and kissed her sweetly.
“Merry Christmas, Harm,” she whispered back and then shivered.
“Come on, let’s get you home, now.”
They walked slowly, hand in hand, as the snow continued to fall.