What You Want Most
Chapter Nine
Several weeks later, Admiral Chegwidden stood looking out his office window at the courtyard below. The day was sunny and bright. The kind of day when he wished he were on the ball field and not cooped up in his well-appointed office.
While being the judge advocate general had its perks, time enough for baseball wasn’t one of them. He often wondered what his life would have been like had he accepted the pitching position with the Cleveland Indians rather than join the Navy.
At the sound of Tiner’s voice through the intercom, Admiral Chegwidden sighed and turned back to his desk. “Admiral, your ten-thirty appointment is here.”
“Thank you, Tiner. Send him in,” he responded and moved around his desk to greet his guest.
Tiner opened the door, Allowing Aaron to pass into the admiral’s office. “Mr. Vawter, Sir.”
“Thank you, Tiner. That’ll be all.” Admiral Chegwidden stepped forward with an outstretched hand as the door clicked shut behind Tiner. “Welcome to JAG, Mr. Vawter. What can I do for you?”
“Good morning, Admiral,” replied Aaron. “Thank you for seeing me. Sarah tells me you’re a very busy man.”
Sarah? Oh, Colonel MacKenzie. This must be the reason for her perpetual smile and good mood of late. But a man of the cloth? Admiral Chegwidden shook his head in amazement.
“Anyhow,” Aaron continued, “I didn’t know who else to go to about this.” He glanced down at his shoes and then back up at the admiral. “I’m in love with Sarah, uh, Mac, I mean Colonel MacKenzie. And I want to ask her to marry me.”
A huge grin broke out across the admiral’s face. “Well, that’s refreshing.” But then his smile faded. “But I’m probably the wrong person to talk to about this.”
“Oh. Well, okay. I know her father is dead and that she’s estranged from her mother. I just thought you’d be the next best thing,” Aaron explained.
The admiral ducked his head and crossed his arms over his chest before looking back at Aaron. “It’s not going to be that easy. She does have an uncle whom she’s relatively close to, but...”
“Relatively?” Aaron asked.
“He’s in Leavenworth for stealing the Declaration of Independence.”
“That was her uncle?” Aaron asked in surprise, remembering the incident from several years ago.
Chegwidden nodded. “I think the person you should probably talk to is--”
“Harm,” Aaron guessed. “But they’re not even on speaking terms right now.”
The admiral nodded again. “I know. But whether or not they realize it, the bond they have is stronger than that. It’ll survive almost everything. Now, I think you’re the right man for Mac so don’t take this the wrong way....”
Aaron nodded for the admiral to continue.
“The only thing that hurt all of the colonel’s and the commander’s other relationships was a lack of understanding--well, maybe understanding isn’t the right word; maybe trust and acceptance would be more accurate--of their friendship, in its many ups and downs.”
“I’m not sure what you mean,” Aaron said.
“The only thing the bond between them couldn’t endure is a permanent intimate relationship. As long as you accept their friendship and trust that that’s all it truly is or ever will be, then everything will work out.”
“Oh.” Aaron nodded, although he still wasn’t entirely sure what the admiral meant.
“Let me show you to Rabb’s office.” The admiral walked over to the side door of his office and pulled it open. He took a couple of steps into the bullpen with Aaron right behind him. “Right there.” He pointed to the first office next to his and then glanced at his watch. “Court should adjourn in ten minutes. Commander Rabb will see you then. I’m not sure when Colonel MacKenzie will return.”
“She had an appointment today. She doesn’t know I’m here.”
Admiral Chegwidden held out his hand and smiled. “Nice to meet you again, Mr. Vawter. I’ll be eager to know the outcome of your proposal.”
“Thank you, Sir.” The two men shook hands and Aaron headed for Harm’s office.
The admiral disappeared back into his office and sat at his desk, wishing he could be a fly on Harm’s office wall. Oh well. If wishes were horses... He toggled the intercom button. “Tiner, go wait for Rabb outside courtroom C and give him heads up that he has a visitor waiting in his office.”
~
The lead panel member, a Lieutenant Commander Simkins, handed a small slip of paper to Colonel Blakely and waited. The colonel opened the folded paper and nodded before handing it back.
Simkins resumed her position in the gallery, but remained standing and announced the panel’s findings: not guilty of involuntary manslaughter, guilty of conduct unbecoming, and guilty of dereliction of duty.
Colonel Blakely issued his sentence, thanked the members, and then dismissed the court with a bang of his gavel.
The lieutenant turned to Harm and offered his thanks. Harm said nothing, but nodded and shook his client’s hand. He was almost sorry that Rogers hadn’t been found guilty of manslaughter. He hadn’t been entirely convinced of the lieutenant’s innocence.
Harm picked up his briefcase and headed for the doors.
“Sir?”
“Tiner. What’s up?” Harm asked, surprised to see the admiral’s yeoman waiting for him.
“The admiral wanted me to let you know that you have a visitor waiting in your office,” Tiner replied, falling into step behind Harm.
“Anyone I know?” Harm asked.
“Well, I’m not sure, but I think it’s the colonel’s friend.”
“What?” Harm stopped and turned to look at Tiner. “Why?”
“That I don’t know, Sir.”
“All right. Thank you, Tiner,” Harm said and clattered down the stairs.
Harm took a deep breath before opening the door to his office and stepping inside.
Aaron turned around at the slight clanking of the mini-blinds on the door. He’d been admiring Harm’s model F-14. The two men sized each other up.
Harm saw a sharply dressed, well-groomed, and definitely well-built man standing in front of him. Aaron took in the bright shine of Harm’s shoes and the crisp creases of his trousers. Harm’s wing’s winked against the dark blue coat about the colorful ribbons.
Aaron spoke first. “Wow. You are larger than life, aren’t you? Two distinguished flying crosses?”
“Did Mac tell you that?” Harm asked, taking the long way around his desk and setting his briefcase underneath.
“No. Your ribbons told me,” Aaron replied, returning Harm’s steady gaze.
“Navy?”
Aaron shook his head. “Air Force; air traffic controller for eight years.”
Harm nodded in acknowledgement. “What made you separate?”
“God did.”
“Oh.” Harm wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He continued to study his guest and wondered what Mac saw in this guy...in this pastor. Although, he had to admit that this one was a vast improvement over Brumby and Lowne, being ex-military and all, even if it was the Air Force. At least the guy knew the meaning of duty, honor, and courage. “What can I do for you?” Harm finally asked.
Aaron swallowed. This wasn’t going to be easy, but something occurred to him. “To be honest, nothing for me. I came in this morning to speak with the admiral about asking for Sarah’s hand.”
Harm crossed his hands over his chest and lifted an eyebrow as if to ask ‘So why are you here?’
“He referred me to you,” Aaron answered the unspoken question.
Harm snorted. “For Christ’s sake, why?” He immediately realized his faux pas and apologized.
Ignoring Harm’s outburst, Aaron continued, “I’m in love with her and I want to propose. But I’m a traditional kind of guy and I wanted to speak with someone she respects and looks up to. She had said that the admiral was like a father to her.”
Harm’s eyebrows rose again.
“But he said I should talk to you.”
“Me? Why?”
“You know, suddenly I’m wondering the same thing. But it’s okay. Sarah has shared your history with me, and now that I think about it, it’s appropriate.” Aaron looked Harm in the eye. “Commander Rabb, I want your blessing to marry Sarah. I’m not asking permission because, frankly, it’s not yours to give. But I know it would hurt Sarah tremendously if you weren’t happy for her. I realize it might be difficult for you right now.”
Harm narrowed his eyes at this usurper. “What would you know about it?”
“I know that you proposed to her awhile back,” Aaron replied respectfully.
“I guess you know she turned me down,” Harm said, locking eyes with the pastor.
Aaron held Harm’s gaze and nodded slowly.
“Was that your doing?”
“I don’t know how much influence I had on her decision.”
“Are you saying that you didn’t try to convince her not to marry me?” Harm asked in disbelief.
“Yes.”
Harm looked skeptical.
“Commander, when she came to me seeking counsel about your proposal, I sent her away. I was falling in love with her and knew that I’d be unable to offer her unbiased advice. She spoke with one of the senior ladies in the church who helps me with pre-marital counseling.”
“Did she know about your feelings for her?”
“She did. But Mrs. Wheeler didn’t unless Sarah mentioned it. Sarah had already told me everything about the two of you. It would have seemed strange if, all of a sudden, I refused to counsel her without giving her a logical and honest reason.”
Harm nodded. “And you want my blessing?”
Aaron shrugged. “I don’t want it, but Sarah will need it. I won’t make her choose between us. In the end, I’d lose anyway.”
Harm turned away and looked out the window. “You’re a bigger man than I am, Mr. Vawter.”
“Call me Aaron.”
Harm nodded acknowledgement. “Did she tell you about Brumby?” He remained looking out the window.
“She did.”
“I never liked him and he never liked me. I always told her I was happy for her, but I never really was.” Somehow, it was easy to confess all this to Aaron. He knew it all anyway. “Brumby never wanted to love her for who she really was. I mean, he gave her things. Things I never did. But he never loved her the way she deserved.”
Aaron listened respectfully, not wanting to interrupt Harm. He knew it must be hard for this man to say these kinds of things, especially to him.
“Well, for that matter, neither did I. And we’ve both paid the price.” Harm was silent for a moment, lost in his thoughts. “I can see that that you love her for who she is and the way she deserves. I’ve never seen her look more...”
“Happy?”
“Beautiful,” Harm whispered to the window. Aaron barely heard it. Harm cleared his throat and continued, “She asked me once what I wanted most. I told her I never wanted to lose her. That’s still true, but I guess I’ve finally run out of chances.”
“Commander, I won’t pretend to know how you’re feeling, but I certainly appreciate your honesty. I would never ask her to give up her friendship with you. It’s too much a part of her and I would never ask her to sever that tie. A part of her would cease to exist.” Aaron did understand the admiral, after all.
“Did she say that?” Harm asked.
“No. She probably doesn’t even realize it herself. But it's in the way she talks about you, thinks about you. Feels about you.”
“Mr. Vaw--Aaron, I would never cross the line.”
“I never thought you would,” Aaron replied. Then he quietly left Harm’s office.
Lost in his thoughts, Harm never heard the door open or close.
~
Aaron left JAG with filled with solemn thoughts. He didn’t pretend to understand how Harm felt, but he could imagine. If he ever lost Sarah...
He lifted a short, but heartfelt petition to the Lord on behalf of Harm. Hopefully, God would put his perfect plan into motion soon.
Aaron then turned his thoughts to Sarah and immediately his spirit lifted. He supposed he should still call her uncle. He wondered how much longer Colonel O’ Hara’s sentence was.
Next he had to plan the proposal. He wanted it to be perfect, but what would Sarah consider perfect? An expensive dinner at an elegant restaurant? Would she want Sam to be present or would she prefer it to be just the two of them? As the ideas whirled through his mind, a plan began to take shape.
Once back at the church, he called and left a message for Mac at home, inviting her over for a small informal dinner with their fellowship group. That would be sure to keep her from suspecting anything.
~*~
“Thanks for helping me Abby. You’re the only one who knows that I’m going to propose to Sarah.”
Abby had finally realized that Aaron and Sarah were meant to be. “I’m so excited, Aaron,” she said, with a smile.
“You just need to make sure that Sarah is the last one to leave.”
“I’ll do my best.”
Aaron did one last check of the meal and then started a crackling fire in the fireplace just as the first guests started to arrive.
The dinner was wonderful and the fellowship was satisfying. Their meetings had been hit or miss since the holidays and it was good to be together again. Everyone sat around the fire for awhile chatting and catching up until Ben finally called it a night. One by one everyone else bid Aaron and Abigail good night. Including Mac. Aaron looked at his sister in panic.
Abigail nodded calmly at him. “Sarah, could I speak with you in the kitchen?”
Mac nodded and followed her into the other room as Aaron bid goodbye to the others.
“What’s up, Abigail?” Mac asked.
“Um, uh...” Abigail floundered for a good idea. “I hate to ask, but can you stay just a few minutes and help me clean up the kitchen?”
“Well, I really need to get Sam,” she said.
“Just fifteen minutes. Please,” Abby almost begged. “I know it’s a terrible thing to do. Aaron’ll kill me, but I can’t face this mess alone. He’s obviously a very messy cook.”
“I heard that,” Aaron said, dryly, entering the kitchen.
“Well, if the shoe fits,” Abigail retorted with a chuckle.
“Never mind, Abigail. Just fill up the sink with hot soapy water and dump it all in there. I’ll deal with it tomorrow.” He turned to Mac. “Sarah, come sit with me for a few minutes.”
“I really need to get Sam,” she said again.
“Actually, you don’t. I called the sitter. You’ve got thirty more minutes; I’m paying.”
“Aaron, you don’t have to do that.”
“I know I don’t. Please.” Aaron took her hand and led her to the living room.
“I’ll be done in just a moment,” Abigail remarked.
Mac fully expected her to join them, Aaron being such a stickler about having a chaperone, but five minutes later she heard the front door open and shut.
She looked at Aaron in surprise. “We’re alone?”
He nodded and patted the sofa cushion next to him.
Her started racing as she sat close to him.
“How are things with Harm?” he asked, but mentally kicked himself. Why did he even want to bring up the other man’s name tonight of all nights?
Mac’s heart slowed way down. She nodded slowly. “Okay, I guess. We run together a couple of times a week, but that’s not real conducive to having a conversation. I’m trying not to give him any false hopes or anything.”
Aaron nodded and changed the subject. “So how is Sam doing?”
Mac smiled at the thought of her son. “He’s great. He’s beginning to babble and he can roll over now.”
Aaron returned her smile. “That’s really great. And how are you?” He looked intently at her. Studying her face. Glancing at her lips. Looking into her eyes.
Her started beating a little faster and she swallowed the small lump that formed. “Oh, well...I’m okay. Tabitha is great with Sam and that’s good for me. He’s almost like a part of their family when he’s there.”
“That’s great.” The urge to kiss her swept through his body. But the desire to wait was stronger. At least for the moment.
“Aaron, is something wrong? You seem a little preoccupied,” she asked, licking her lips in nervousness.
It was almost Aaron’s undoing. He blinked a few times and looked into the flames. But that wasn’t helping because all he wanted to imagine was the way the shadows would play across her body.
He looked back at her and was lost. He moved toward her slowly, watching her eyes flicker from his mouth to his eyes and back. They finally closed altogether when he was close enough to...
He jumped to his feet startling them both.
“Aaron, what’s wrong?” she asked again, rising to her feet.
“Sarah, do you remember what I told you a while back?”
“Specifically?” she asked.
He took a breath. “Sarah, I’m in love with you. I want to marry you. I need to marry you before I explode into a million pieces from wanting you so badly. I want Sam to be my son. I want to be his daddy.”
Mac blinked a couple of times as his declarations imprinted themselves into her brain. He wants Sam. He wants me... Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, Aaron.”
He reached into his pant pocket and then dropped to one knee. “Sarah, will you marry me?”
The small diamond sat in an antique platinum setting. It winked at her in the firelight. Mac’s tears overflowed and spilled down her cheeks. She looked at Aaron and nodded.
He took her hand and slid the ring on. It was a perfect fit.
Mac sniffed. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”
“It was my grandmother's and you’re very welcome,” he replied and leaned in to place a soft kiss on her cheek.
She turned her head to try and steal a kiss, but Aaron wouldn’t allow it. “I can’t, Sarah. Not with the way I feel right now. When I kiss you for the first time. I want it to be as man and wife. It’ll probably kill me to have to wait till our wedding night for the rest, but we can give the guests something to hoot and holler about, all right?” he asked with a wink.
She smiled back and nodded. "All right."